As if I was, and wasn't
In everything,
And all, a voice
Crying in the wilderness: wake up!
From the drunken stupor, as if you were not hiding
Inside masses of crocodile flesh.
A dreary jackal howl, dreaded, troubled, anxious,
Spelling out errors scanned and scrutinized,
Which call, engulf exhaust, block, crumble, destroy,
Turn pale, play tricks; words,
Inadequate words with no vibration, no
Flesh. Mere twaddle, they melt flesh, strip skin
And veins. The skeleton is left bare. Cover yourself,
You'll catch cold.
Threat, instant threat for the gulf
Which keeps coming and going.
In the heart's humdrum struggle, the drumbeat of fear
Is getting near,
Fearful palpitations, as if – nothing, as if
Silenced. Nothing, as if it were going day and
Night is in the mist. The song
Of childhood melted away, vanished. The mist
Has no meaning. God has no meaning.
The voice has meaning to note. There is
No meaning, as such, to anything. No meaning, nor
Any warrant, to the jealous and Destructive God, not
A single mile, not a single inch;
He went on and on towards the Good and – fell flat.
Triumphant – and losing ground, overcoming – and turning into
Thin air. It could have been a dream that has faded away
In the mists of the night; a nothing, a phantom
That has vanished and melted
Away. A tiny bloodsucker takes away
Your most precious, the most precious in man,
Winks and eye; and the eye turns silent
And is no more. Sucks and pumps out the best
Of your blood. Take, and give. Take –
And give. No crocodile – it's dead! Take-and-give
Still sucks and sucks, till there's no more.
I was just
Walking on thin rope and almost fell. I need
That space – to get up and act. The space of Thought.
The space of action, and disposition. I can't bear
The racking of the nerves, the sucking of blood.
I can't bear to be caught by the flesh – I want
The freedom of myself, of my flesh. To wear a long white robe
The piety of a hermit, to bear on my shoulders
The pain of the journeys long and short.
I am nothing
As though I were not and am not, vanished. And I was as if
I wasn't
In a barren wilderness, and I fell into Yeshimmon,
I had no more
Strength. No more tasks of negotiations,
No more burdens of incidents,
Nothing more on my minced flesh.
Nothing more whatsoever. Life's come to standstill,
And I shall be
A barren desert closed to invaders. ('74)